A REAL Daddy has NOTHING really to do with genetics. Its just simple fact. Helping to create a baby takes small effort for men. Its a few minutes of pleasure at just the right time of month. Tis all. No offense to you biological dads out there. Though if you DO take offense, it just proves you know you are MORE than simply a sperm donor. Being a Daddy requires lifestyle changes, shifts in thinking, hard work, a life long commitment.
There is something that I have been catching glimpses of with sad frequency lately. It is how fathers are portrayed in media. You see it all of the time, in movies and on tv shows. The fumbling, clueless dads who screw it all up and dont have a clue without the saving grace of their wives. I even catch women in real life belittling thier spouses, making jokes about how useless their men are around the home and in the involvment of their children. BUT...how would those same women react if those same men started making public mockery of how THEY parent? What right do we have to tear down the men in our lives like that? Im talking, the ones who are THERE every day. Or who may not be able to be there physically but are still dutiful in paying child support, and are in their childrens lives as often as possible. HOW can we disrespect such effort when we constantly make a joke of Dads? I stand and applaud the men who keep at it despite all the standoffish mockery and jokes. Look how many people are all about womens lib and women being treated fair in teh workplace. Imagine the revolution if we were as passionate about our fathers being FATHERS to our children!If we publicly praise and encourage and brag on our husbands. Even if we acknowledge the ex's who are part time fathers and though they may not be with us any longer, they are still in the lives of our children.
I know how many deadbeat dads there are out there. Trust me, I KNOW. My first husband is one of those statistical deadbeats. After years of marriage he decided he wanted out of responsibility and left our family for another woman. (Whom he also left eventually, along with abandoning their young son) Its been years without a glimpse of child support from him. I have nothing positive to say about his role as a father at this point. Because he ISN'T one.
Meanwhile, last June 4th I married my best friend. He took on an entire pre-made family. FIVE stepsons. (and by the way, I have NEVER heard him use the phrase "step" son) Dave has stepped up to the plate in amazing ways.People who have not known us very long simply assume my sons are biologically his. He works full time, late into the night. The majority of his pay goes straight to bills. He spends his days off doing yard work, helping to clean the house, and taking the boysw on hikes, to the park, on picnics, etc.... I have been on bed rest for a few weeks now and you can't tell it by the state of our home. Its practically spotless! He gets up first thing and starts vacuuming, doing laundry, sweeping, washing dishes, etc... He helps our youngest son get dressed. He makes me lunch. He is firm and calm with the boys, asserting his authority without being cruel. He implements time outs and gives hugs. He teaches the boys football and baseball. He takes on the role of Daddy in an amazingly experienced style, as if it is something he has been doing for years and years.
Now, I COULD sit here and complain about petty stuff. he maybe how he puts the laundry away wrong or burps at the table when Im trying to teach the boys manners......but frankly, we ALL have faults. How dare I tread into disrespect when he puts in so much work. Ive BEEN a single mom. I KNOW how hard it is to do it alone. Therefore, I know how blessed I am to have him in our life. There are women out there in abusive relationships who live with men who berate them and tear them down. There are single mothers who bust their butts every day alone and never see a penny from their child's father. THAT is why I am always appalled when women who have honest, hardworking, loyal men can complain about the small things.
Between my first husband and my current husband, I was with a man for 2 years who was a good man to my kids, in much the same way Dave is now. He passed away tragically in an accident and I can assure all of you women out there, when something like that happens, you quit focusing on petty crap. I used to get on Ken about his beard stubble in the sink or how he took his socks off all over the house, leaving me to pick up dirty socks from under the kitchen table, next to the couch, etc... After he passed away I bent down to pick up a pair of his socks from beneath the coffee table and it struck me it was the LAST time Id ever do that task. The fact is, the boys and I dont focus on the negative aspects of our memories of him. (He was a recovering alcoholic so there WERE some) Instead, its the good stuff we miss. The things he did that were the reason my sons began to call him Daddy.
And now, there is Dave. My sons have been so blessed that twice God has placed a man in their lives to fill that void that sadly their biological father has left. I have nothing negative to say about Dave. Nothing truly significant anyway. He, in my opinion, is more of a father, more of a real MAN than their sperm donor EVER was. He is here. Every day. He steps up to the plate and gives it his all. He does what he has to. HE IS HERE. And THAT is what being a good Daddy is all about.
