What I Believe In

Being a no-hitting, respecting-your-children, gentle-parenting, natural-consequences-allowing, mother is not always an easy path to journey on. Especially when one lives in a small rural mountain hillbilly southern town. In this community the majority of parents believe that what didnt kill them as children will work just fine for their own children. So, I too often am witness to children being verbally threatened to be phyically punished. And not just hit, but beat with a paddle, a stick or a leather belt. Which always confuses me because WHY must ou insist on using a weapon to hit somone who is alread vulnerable and smaller and weaker than you??? If I went up to a neighbor or co worker or adult family member and hit them with a belt or wodden paddle (on a part of their body we teach children is their "privates" by the way..which I find even MORE disturbing that that is where we hit them) I would be in jail for assault and battery. Wh are children not protected under the same laws??? What right have we to  administer pain to them???? Physical punishment creates fear, pain, shame andfrustration in a child. Something they carry into their adult hood. I personally was the victim of an abusive man who was abused as a child. Statitics show that violent offenders in prison are far more likely to have been victims of corporal punishment as children. (Ie: spankings)
Many peopleuse he bible as reason to hit their children. the good ol "Spare the rod, spoil the child" verse. But the Hebrew word for rod can also mean writing utensil (an instrument of education) or Shebet which was the stick with a hook the sheperds used to keep straying sheep in the flock. (gentle guidance and authority) Thewo discipline is derived from the word disciple. Our job as parents is to TEACH. Every disciplinary ction is an opportunity to educate our children. Sure, we can hit a child if they throw a toy or repeat a bad word they hear on tv. But frankly, though you may claim it works because it stops the behavior, all it does is give you an immediate response with no lasting impression. All you teach a children then is to not do the offending behavior in front of you. If you take the time to explain WHY (in a clear, authoritive way) the behavior is not acceptable, then the child can understand the reason why. Kids are far more capable of grasping such concepts than we give them credit for!
I am in no way saying let children have their way and be pussy footed in front of them. You are still head over them and they need to respect you. But to spank a child is simply an immature reaction, an impatient action, an adult temper tantrum so to speak. Allow natural consequences when posible. If they are irsponsible with a new toy andlose it at school after you tell them not to bring it to school, DONT buy them a new one. If they refuse to eat dinner, they dont get a snack later. If the refuse shoes on their feet, let them feel the hot pavment for a second and I promise you those shoes will go on without you having to yell or raise your blood pressure. If they dont cleantheir room, they dont get to go out an play with their sisters. etc....
Also, communication is key. Explain our reason for rules and boundaries so your kids can respect them. As an adult, would you honestly be ok with following instructions that made NO SENSE from your boss at work? If you go to work tomorrw and your boss says " I want you to do______, and if you dont I will hit you with this leather belt" how would YOU react????  We need to show our kids the same respect that we expect others to give to us.
So many people arguethe point with me "Spanking works." Ok then, so if itworks sooooo well, I am assuming you only ever had to hit your child ONCE, right? If its such a fool proof trick, WHY do you have to repeatedly hit your child????? I also have had people tell me "My parents hit me when I was a kid and I turned out fine." Okay, firstly, there are always exceptions to every rule. The human spirit can make us capable of defying any odds.And FINE is not good enough for me. I wat my kids to grow up to be fine, respectful gntleman, not simply survivors. Fine is survival. Its not good enough IMO. But if youwere hit often as a child, it is more than likely you have been in physical confrontations as an adult and/or you have difficulties handling anger, or communication or conflict resolution.It also means you are fafr more likely to continue this cycle of abuse with your own children. Because no one ever taught you other options. Spanking teaches nothing other than fear, intimidation and the lesson that its totally acceptable for the big guy to hit the little guy just to get his point cross.
Our children need to be shown love, information, education, respect.....if we as adults expect it,shouldnt we raise our children to expect the same???