Where Is Our Village?

As user of FB, my mommy-friends group has expanded to bursting proportions over the past couple of years. Many are like-minded hippie mums like myself, but some are quite differing in thier parenting style. Which is fine with me. As long as you are not harming nor neglecting your child in any way, I keep my mouth shut. If you ask me for advice, I will share my opinion without judgment or demand that you accept it. Because the fact is, we are all human, and we are all simply figuring this out as we go along. I never could understand the mothers who get up all stoic and biased on thier soap boxes and point fingers. WHY do we waste such time tearing eachother down???? There are cultures in other areas of this world whom embarce the "It Takes A Village" mentality. But here in America, it seems we praise highest the women who do it alone and carry the heavy burden in solitude. Now, dont get me wrong, I give huge respect to single mamas. I once was one. But WHY are these women doing it alone. Setting aside the fact we seem to be raising boys who become men who find it okay to leave...what about we as women? Where are our support systems? Where do we feel safe to turn for advice, help, encouragment? Who can we depend on? Because so often, when we brave stepping out and asking or help, we instead meet ridicule.
I recently read a book by a woman whose 5 year old daughter died quite suddenly and unexpectedly. In her book she mentions that she never forced her daughter to wean off the bottle and as a result, her kindergartner still relished a bottle of warm milk in the car on the ride home from school. I can imagine to judgement passed to this mother for that choice. But, at the end of the day, her daughter is gone and she has that memory of seeing her child content with that bottle in the rear view mirror. n the grand scheme of things, who really cares about others opinions? I think of that story often when my children want to follow ther own instinct and do their own thing. I encourage them to listen to their heartsong and dance to its beat. And I have learned to ignore the naysayers and sorround myself with mamas who will encourage me down this road.
Find your own village. Seek out community. Other mothers who can relate to you and you with them. the ones you can be REAL with. The ones whom you can cry to when your preschooler has developed an attitude that makes you feel you are living with a midget anti-christ. The ones you can pour out your doubts to when your infant is struggling to figure out the whole latching-on-nursing gig, or when your 3 month old has colic and NOTHING seems to help. Find a mom who understands when you whisper that you sometimes miss the freedom of your pre-parent days, the one who can relate when you are fumbling your way through potty training, discipline, pre-teen angst, etcetcetc..... The key is to follow your own gut/heart/instinct, and leave the rest by the wayside.
And in turn, we must all learn to be a better village, to applaud and cheer the triumphs of new mamas. To encourage the young ones who have yet to travel this pathway. To offer a helping hand/listening ear/fresh baked dinner/hot cup of coffee/soft place to fall/shoulder to cry on/words of gentle advice/arms for hugging.......whatever the need is. For  the transition from woman to mother is a huge giant leap across a chasm of choices and fears, joys and doubts, stumbles and miracles...but when the chasm is bridged in love and friendship, when we find a village to call our own.....then the way is not so very scary. When women have that love and support and sens eof community, it is far easier to find our footing and raise children who know peace and love and security. For we will have found those things ourselves. Namaste.