Earlier this week, at a high school mere minutes from my home, a 15 year old boy hung himself. I cannot wrap my mind around what he must have been feeling and thinking in those moments. Even though I myself have had my own battles with debilitating depression, and even contemplated suicide in my pwn mind...I have never actually attempted it. I do know the utter darkness and lonliness of feeling the world would be better off without me....I cannot imagine how much more unbearable it must be to those who follow through on the pondering of ending it. My heart has been aching at the thought of such a young life being so abruptly stopped. the tragedy is in the fact it COULD HAVE BEEN AVOIDED. This was not a physical cause of death...this was emotional and mental. And what keeps rolling around in my mind is "How little of an effort could it have taken to stop him from reaching that point????" How utterly alone did he feel? Was there no one who could have impacted his belief that this was his only choice? Damien has a webpage now on Facebook that honors his memory. In just a few days the followers of that page reached over 2,000. Out of those 2,000.....how many tried to tell him how loved he was BEFORE his death?
Funerals never made much sense to me. People standing up and sharing their love and appreciation for people who cannot even see nor hear it all. Why do we wait until a person is gone? If he had known 2,000 people CARED.....I doubt he would have still killed himself.
Many of you know my fiance passed away in January of 2011. It was an accidental death, not a suicide. But a week before his passing, in a haunting moment of ephinany of his impending death I believe, he said to me, "If I died today, I doubt anyone would care. No one would even come to my funeral." He struggled with alot of self esteem issues and truly felt that way. At his funeral, while I sat in the limo following the hearse with his family, his mother turned and looked out teh back window at the seemingly uneneding line of cars following us, all with flashers on......a good mile or so of funeral procession....and she said sadly "Oh, I wish he could see this." And it struck me in that moment, how many people loved himand grieved the loss of him. AND HE NEVER EVEN KNEW. His death was a resuult of an accident which was a result of his druinking which he did to deal with his low self esteem and depression issues. So, in a way, I can see how easily avoidable HIS death was also.
I write this not with the intent to offend anyone. I just want to point out how we as a people seem to be failing one another. Ity doesnt take much effort to smile at someone, to say hello, to ask how they are doing. Just a minute of conversation can save a life. And you may never even know. When I was a teenager I worked with this girl who was difficult to be friendly with. She was disagreeable and miserable. No one liked her. But in my obnoxious and stubborn way I woudl smile at her every day, sing silly songs at her to try and get her to smile, hug her every day when I got to work. She always shoved me away and seemed to ignore me. But at the end of the summer she handed me a note before we left work on the ranch. That note explained about her difficult home life ad her plans to kill herself when she got back home. But she had changed those plans because I had shown her I cared about her and said I loved her...something no one had ever told her. My simple, silly actions and words saved a life and i had not even realized it.
Keep that in mind as you go through your day to day living. Show a little love. It wont take much to make a HUGE difference. <3 Your actions and words carry GREAT power.
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