So......I used to be a lot better at staying in a moment of zen like peace whilst the kiddos were melting down. I have learned it is far easier to keep my children calm if I remain calm. But in teh last couple of months some things have happened that have thrown my focus elsewhere. So, the level of noise, complaining, arguing and yelling has drastically increased as I have gotten lazy and begun to react to negative behavior with yelling and even a couple of swats on the butt recently. I'm talking very childish. Slamming doors, stomping my foot, holloring in teh middle of my livingroom. Totally useless. Kids dont hear that. All its been doing is causing them to get frustrated in turn. I have created quite a muddled mess. So, we sat down and had a good talk and here we go. No yelling, no mean words, no cussing, no hitting. This applies to adults and kids alike. Its harder than I expected. Yelling is faster and lazier. Having to think of creative solutions to resolutions takes actual thought and effort. Pulling the two year old off of the kitchen tabel where he is dancing after whipping his diaper off sans Chippendales is ok...the first six times. By time two billion forty three I want to scream and throw him out a window. Patience is sure being tested!
My first satisfying success: This morning my 10 year old son got angry with his three year old brother who adamently refused to leave his older brothers room. Thsi is an ongoing battle as the older boys room is stocked with "cool" toys like legos and other things which come apart and are fun to destroy. When Creed, the younger, refused to leave Zane's room Zane shoved him. Hard. Onto the floor. And made Creed cry. In a very loud annoying voice that can pierce a mother's skull in 3.5 seconds flat. My instinct was to hollor at Zane...or maybe even give him a good ol "this is what it feels like" shove.....
Instead, I ordered Zane to hunt up a pen and piece of paper. I told him to sit down at the kitchen table and write out a 5 sentence paragraph describing an alternate solution to the scenario that had just occured. This resulted in Zane dissolving into an emotional outburst that topped Creeds previous indignation at being shoved. zaen whined and cried and stamped and stomped. He announced he woudl write no such paragraph. I told him he would sit there until he did. He finally wrote it. it didnt kill him. After he was done he apologized to his younger brother. I talked to him about impulsivity and dealing with his anger. It got through and i know this because he is my very ADHD impulsive act-first-think-later child and for the rest of the day when things upset him I could actually see the wheels turning in his brain. He kept it cool the rest of the day! SUCCESS!!! And the coolest part was, i didnt need to yell or get stressed or need a cigarette to make it through a moment without strangling anyone. :)
Oh, and Zanes paragraph? He wrote that the next time if Creed would not get out of his bedroom he would come and tell me and I would properly punish Creed by making him clean the bathroom. :)
It has not been easy today, this no yelling approach. habits are to be broken. I have had to remind the kids alot and have had to bite my own tongue a few times. But I know it will be worth it in the long run.
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